Can we learn to fail gracefully?

I tell my students a lot to ask themselves what type of kid they are going to be today. The one that keeps going? Or the one the gives up? Many things in life are going to be hard and not easy to manage. There will be times that it may seem like giving up is the way out of what is currently happening to you at any given moment.

But the thing is, that is not true. You may have to give up old habit, find a new way to see what is actually laid out in front of you. That doesn’t mean you gave up, it just means that you grew. 

You took the challenge that was placed in front of you. The one that is heavy, hard to manage and you found the solution. You did not lay down, refusing to grow. You stood your ground. You found your strength and you took the time to relish in the what ifs instead of the I cant’s.

Habits good or bad, nice or not don’t just happen on a whim. We choose to grow those habits. We feed them. We embrace them. Sometime we love them.  What if instead, we learned from them?

What if instead of the shame we attached to those habits. We looked at them with a sense of knowledge and love. We thanked them for coming into our lives and we wish them well.  What if we made the choice to stop being so damn hard on ourselves and we choose to love who are at this moment, right now.

Hey, just because we choose to love ourselves now, doesn’t mean that we don’t continue to grow. It just means that we allow our self the freedom from the shame, guilt and comparison we attached to them. 

I love who I am right now as bigger girl but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to get more healthy and do things for my body that will allow for more freedom for me to thrive. I don’t want to be limited in the my choose. I want to be both. The women I am now and the one I strive for in the future. And to me that looks like many things. 

I see myself moving more and eating better. I see myself loving more and choosing to let go of my past childhood trauma. I see myself being okay with the simplicity of life while reaching to build an empire. 

You can be both. You can be who you are currently and be the person you wish to grow into. 

It all starts with making the choice to give up the old habits, stepping up to face the harsh pain you’ve held onto for comfort. It’s allowing yourself to look past all the old times you did give up. That you didn’t move forward and allowing the shame of those experiences to leave. To give access for growth.

What I have learned in my experience of changing habits that were no longer conducive to my self growth. Was that if I didn’t look into the negative thought that caused the habit in the first place and change the thought process then it was much harder to change the habit as a whole. I would tend to fall back into the habit as a form of comfort and use that as the excuse. 

IE: My family eats fast food too much because I don’t have time to prep and cook healthy options. The Negative thought that caused the habit: Failing to prep and cook healthy options are for those mothers that can do it all. I can’t so I must not be a good enough mother therefore we can only eat fast food. Changing the thought: The mother I am to my kids is the mother they need in their life. I not only offer them love, comfort and joy. But I provided them with home cooked meals on the days that works for our family. Overextending myself to please others does no one in our house hold any good. 

Changing the thought is what changes the habit. Will it change it for good? Maybe yes, maybe no, Some take time to overcome but what will start to happen is when you get yourself stuck in that thought and you will have tools in your pocket to help redirect your attention back. Giving you the option to avoid starting the habit again in the first place.

You have to allow yourself some room to grow and fail gracefully. It doesn’t happen overnight. You will get sucked back into those thoughts and turning towards the habit that was form by them is comfortable, easy, known.

It will be hard to adjust to your new reality. Take the time to fail at it gracefully because you will. You will go back, but you don’t always have too. On the days that you do, pick yourself up, stand your ground and ask yourself who are you going to be today? The kid the gives up? Or the kid that keeps going?

Make the choice to change your thoughts, then take the time to change the reaction to those thoughts. Slowly you will overcome but only if you keep going.

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