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So I have been sitting here looking at this screen…

 … questioning what to write to you guys I think that is one of the hardest part about sharing yourself every day, is that you indeed share yourself, every day. Sometimes I share so much that I don’t have a lot left for me. 

The other day in one of the groups I follow on FB a friend talked about the struggle to get likes and engagement on her Instagram feed. How after giving her all to it, she still felt like she was failing short. 

Then I had a few of you message me and ask how I got to where I am at and it made me start to think… 

Where am I, that you don’t think you are?

I know I’ve said this and I am sure you have read or heard it once before but I think it is worth repeating.

Social media is nothing more than showing off all the good sides of what is happening in our life. And those of us like myself who give maybe a little more of a glimpse into other parts of our self, it is still only us showing you just a snippet of it.

You do not see, know, hear or experience all the same things I do, just as I do not do that with you. So when we start to compare ourselves to others on the internet we will always fall short.

No matter what.

As humans, we crave more. We want what others have and we tend to forget what we already have in front of us.

Which is a good trait to have, when we use to it better ourselves, instead of judging ourselves.

But that is harder then said.

Look, I am just like you. I scroll and judge and wish and compare and wondering if I am enough or why I don’t have this and why I didn’t think of that first… and so on and so on and so on. 

There are some days I spend more time on my phone then I do with my kids or my husband and even on myself.

Those days I tend feel more bad about myself because I am living more through there then I am actually living. 

There are plenty of days I yell and get mad and say things I can not take back. There are days that I feel gross and fat and eat way more than I should. There are days I wish nothing more to be like so and so and have what she has or be her! Why can’t I just be… “anyone who seems to be feeling better than me at this point.” 

I watched an instagram story the other day which I think also is very important to bring up. She talked about how “happy” is the new trend. Right? That we are tending to lean more towards those who seem to have it “all figured out” and are positive and happy and blah freakin blah. 

That when we look towards them and not see what they have in us we feel like we have missed the mark.

So we push down how we are feeling and “pretend” to be what they are. 

I did that for YEARS….

Sometimes I still do that with you.

It is easier to pretend to be a certain way then to be who you are at this moment.

especially if this moment is a sad, painful one.

Guys, I share so much with you all and when I say share I mean I give a lot of energy into building our relationship on line because for me it is vital. I remember how it was when I felt like I had no one so I try to be open and ready to all of you so that you do have someone. 

Now, because I do that, I sometimes have nothing left to give to my own family or even myself and on the days or weeks I feel like that,  it is hard to admit that and change.

Last week, I had a few days that it was hard and few days that I didn’t want to get out of bed and sometimes I question if my happiness is even real. Like do I really feel this way or am I just pretending I am?

I am telling you this in hopes that you discover that they only way we can achieve this “magical” happiness that we all chase is to admit that none of us know what they hell we are doing. And that just because whats her face is showing you that she has all sales or that so and so create something you wish you could. Or that suzy over there is killing it this thing called life, that doesn’t mean they aren’t struggle just as you are.  

It just means that they aren’t showing you that they are.

And I am not asking you all to share your “dirty” laundry with everyone all the time and be “authentic” I am stating the fact that we all are in this world just trying our best to negavate it and none of know what the hell we are doing.

So when you ask me how I got to where I am, I question if you even realize that we are actually all in the same boat. Heading the same way, maybe I just put my life jacket on so I could handle the waves a little bit better. 

And hey guess what?! Your life jacket is right next to you… all you have to do is pick it up, put it on and enjoy the ride. 

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