There is something about seeing yourself truly for the first time. You know, to see your self the way that your soul feels.
I have always been a person who never really cared about what others think of me. I’ve enjoyed being the odd ball, the weirdo in the room. The girl that was one of the guys. And I never really thought that I was doing this as a defense mechanisms until it caught all up with me.
I was in my late 20’s just had a bunch of kids and my body showed it. I felt obligated by society to do fade diets, which truthfully lead me to late night binge eat and hide the evidence that I did.
I felt gross, unattractive.
But it was more then just about the weight that I put on. I felt alone, shut off from the world. I had no true friends at the time and I was doing the same mundane thing over and over and over again.
I would wake up, deal with the kids, go to work, come home, eat, veg out in front of the tv and then start it over again.
It became madding.
I’ve told you this before, about how I hit a wall and demanded that the universe give me purpose. Not only did I demand it, I embrace it.
And that my friends is when I discovered the joy of self love.
Finding self love is a lot harder then you might think. It takes a lot of work and self reflection and courage to step outside yourself.
You have to be brave enough and patient enough to make those sudden shifts in your life. You have to understand that putting your self first above all else is scary and right and needed.
You have to be able to say no to others around you and not back down when they are confused to why you are choosing yourself and not them.
You have to be able to find your voice. The thing that makes your tick, that drives you and go after it full force. And once you find it, you have to hold on to it.
Not let the outside voices pull you away from it.
And that friends, is when it becomes hard.
All the crap you buried will some how resurface. and it will come at you so hard and heavy that you feel like you might die from the weight it places on you.
You will cry, and scream, and doubt yourself so many times that you will start to believe that this self love thing isn’t worth it.
BUT KEEP GOING, I promise you that it is so worth all the headache. So you can get to that place that you can truly look yourself in the mirror and see you in all your glory.
I just had that moment yesterday.
For the first time.
It was magnificent!
There I was in front of my full length mirror in my bra and undies and I was like “dammmn babe, you look good.” And I saw my soul through my body.
I felt my rolls and jelly and I embraced them.
I loved every ounce of my body and I was so grateful that I existed.
Then I danced on my Instagram stories because my god, I felt amazing and I needed others to see me, the whole me.
And it felt fantastic.
(I shared it on my facebook group page too, if you want to check it out.)
Look Self love is fucking vital. If you can not look in the mirror and see the beauty that is your soul then it is time to put yourself first. You deserve to feel good about yourself and see the joy that is all around us and stop living a life that makes you feel worthless because you are not.
You are enough, more then enough. There is literally no one else in the world like you and dammit your fabulous!